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In today’s world there are platforms upon platforms, for talking shit. What is talking shit? It’s talk that is opinion and emotionally based, lacking in any substance that creates authenticity, transparency or truth. I’m not suggesting talking shit is bad, or is without purpose. Hell, I talk shit everyday.

However, our bowel movements aren’t what moves us. Talking about our shit is no more than abandoning pretentiousness and ego driven fear, stemming from society’s social norms and our own insecurities. Let’s be real! Let’s be honest! Let folks see the real you!

We shout out our political views. We talk about our achievements. We skirt around a few “issues”. We are great at talking about what we think of others and how they should act. We talk about tv shows, movies, music and business. We complain about everything under the sun. We jump up when we find someone to listen to what we don’t like about the world. Yet, when it comes to speaking the unspeakable; nothing but crickets.

When is the last time you told someone something that you had kept secret? Or something that scared you? Or you felt shamed in revealing? Have you ever shared a lie (everyone lies sometimes and in someway), outed a behavior, addiction, or the like, that you’ve been hiding?

Every person you know does not just have one of the above mentioned thoughts; they have all of them. Yet, the world keeps spinning without saying a word. If we talked about our shit instead of talking shit, the world would transform from being something we know, to something new and full of people we can relate to, even if we have different views.

Look where talking shit gets us; divided so far we can’t even find common ground with friends and family members.

What the fuck are we doing? We are interacting with each other every day, void of any meaning. It’s like eating food without our bodies receiving the nutrients. We could continue to eat, but we would starve. And that’s what’s happening in our homes and relationships. Starvation.

What’s the big fucking deal? The BFDs I have alluded to are alienation and division, but there are more. Not knowing and hearing that others suffer like you, struggle like you, bring about deep feelings of being alone, creating anxiety, depression, leading in some instances to addiction, divorce, disease, suicide, etc.. All that is really needed is a simple honest answer to the question, “How are you?” Instead of saying “fine”, even in public settings with strangers, tell them the truth! “I’m kinda fucked and scared to tell you and I’m ok as well”. You’ll be amazed at the response you receive. I’m not suggesting people won’t think you insane. But sooner, rather than later, you will make a big time connection.

The secret is most folks are just waiting for someone, anyone to get real. Once they see it’s safe, it’s an absolute game changer.

No lie, as I’m writing this piece, I’m in Miami for my mother-in-law’s 70th birthday celebration. I’m typing away, soaking in the sun’s rays, cooling off by jumping into the pool every so often. (This just happened) a lady walks by and we smile at each other. She’s says, “Hi, how are you doing?” And I reply, “I couldn’t be better for someone whose so fucked up!” She says, “That’s the best answer I’ve ever heard.” I deflect and say, “Don’t try to to top it. Answer honestly, how are you?” Now I have to tell you, I’m a pro, so I know how to keep this from becoming a two hour thing and keep it to a few minutes; which is all the time I had. She replies, “I’m lonely. I have family, friends and even a spouse. But I’m lonely”. I say, “I’ll bet you that if you interact with others just like we are doing now, and, we still haven’t really said much, that you won’t be lonely anymore”. She says, “I won’t bet you, because I know you’re right. We still haven’t introduced ourselves and it’s weird, but I feel like we know each other.” I respond quickly with “we do. And when we are truthful and transparent with people, even with strangers like us, it’s impossible to feel alone.” She thanked me and told me she felt like she just received 10 years of therapy in two minutes. I thanked her and told her she did! She laughed and that was that.

Friends, this is how we roll, living the Emotional Empowerment Movement! What better way to execute this teaching of “sharing yourself” than with a connection that literally happened while I was writing this article.

Although we have been conditioned to stay “closed”, the teaching is simple and doable just about anytime or anywhere. The thirst you have for knowing people and being known, for seeing folks and being seen, and for being supportive and supporting all, becomes quenched by talking about your shit, instead of talking shit.

Be the first to burst the bubble of fear, and in doing so, you will open the door to a magical, meaningful world of human connection.

Hungry For More?

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From my Facebook Live video, December 18, 2018 – Park City, Utah

Some call it a comeback. I’m suited up and booted up to tell you that on March 29th, 2018, I busted ten ribs on my right side, tore my right rotator cuff, broke my left hand, my left wrist and had some other bumps and bruises.

Here, I am headed right back up the fucking mountain to end 2018 on my skis. There’s a beautiful view, plenty of snow and I’m ready to roll.

I arrived at the Salt Lake City airport this morning and I have to tell you that I felt a little PTSD. I felt a little nauseous. I had a few flashbacks remembering how I was feeling the last time. I’m just utterly grateful that:

1. my body has been able to heal.
2. I’ve trained myself to not be the kind of person to give up; to quit; to allow fear to get in my way.

I truly and utterly believe in continuing to stand up as long as you can. For instance this last weekend, some of you, who have been listening to me for awhile, know how much I love my dad. How much I care for him. How close we are and how much work I had to do to figure out how to get along with him, to not “throw him under the bus”. But, how do I figure that out?

We’ve been getting along marvelously for about 30 years or so. But a few months back he came out and I just “shit the bed”. I had some real hard time with some stuff. He didn’t know it. But my wife surely did and I was agitated like a mother-fucker. So when he asked to come out again, I jumped at the chance. Some of my friends and family members said, “what? I thought it was so horrible. It was. But I’m going to make it right this time.” I figured out what I had to do to adjust myself; my own expectations, etc., etc., etc. I had an incredible weekend!

It’s like returning here, where I fell down and broke everything. Now I’m returning to that exact spot to ski through it and have a better run. I did the same thing with my family. I’ve done the same thing with my children. I’ve done the same thing with my wife. I’ve done the same thing with my ex-wife. You name it and EP keeps coming back. I don’t come back without having made adjustments; without having learned; without having some minor tests and understanding that I’m up for the task.

I don’t want you to get me wrong. I don’t want you to go back where you got your ass kicked without being a different person. Hell no, you don’t do that because you’ll just get your ass kicked again. That’s where I think some of you strange mother-fuckers keep doing this to yourself.

You have the courage and the willingness. But you lack the intellect and the common awareness and understanding. Hey, just because I want to do it and because I like to do this, does not mean I’m capable of doing it. As Clint Eastwood said in Sudden Impact, “Man’s got to know his limitations.” I recognize that I am limited in many ways and I work with it, around it, and through it.

One of the ways that I am not limited today is that I’m putting these two skis on my feet, strapping the boots in and getting down this mountain. I can’t wait! I’m excited! I don’t like getting my ass whupped. I certainly don’t like making a fool of myself or others. I don’t like behaving in ways that go against my moral and ethical value system. But I do love that, when I do those things, I’m not afraid to get back up, show face, do what I need to do to stand in that place again, and do it with dignity and grace. That’s what The Unfucked Code is all about.

You are going to hear me talk about it left and right pretty soon, probably ad
nauseam, what the “unfucked code” is. What this tribe is. What this book is. If I could sum it up, in terms of our personal growth, it’s about being courageous enough to stand back up right where you fell down and give it another try in a safe, smart, dignified way.

So, dad, thanks for coming back out and giving your son another chance again. Wifey, thanks so much for having the courage to do a redo because you got the brunt end of all of this and saw how pissed off I was. Thank you, mountain range for being here for another year. Thank you, Rick Kaufman, for inviting me, so I could strap these suckers on and do what I love doing since I was three years old.

Everybody’s asked me, “are you going skiing again? It’s dangerous. What’s going to happen…?” If something happens, something happens. I’m going to do the best I can to be safe. But if I ever go out, it ain’t going to be going out with some crazy shit going on. I am going to go out on my own terms. That’s for sure. And if I can’t do that, I’ll do second best. I’ll take a chair-lift up this mountain and walk down it.

The thought for all of us for these holidays. If you want to have a hell of a holiday, you need to unfuck yourself. Don’t be afraid to show back up, whether it’s to a friend’s house, or a family’s house. Whatever you have to do during these holidays where you have had your buttons pushed, where you haven’t been your best self; just do it.

Show up as long as you’ve grown up. As long as you’ve grown up, show up. That’s what it is. Grow up, show up! Again and again, and you’ll get it right.

We ain’t never giving up. We’re always living up. We’re always looking up. It was great to spend some time with you on this chair-lift ride.

By the way, I am wearing a helmet. It’s a new move. I don’t like the look. Got to be honest. I’m going to find one of those dudes who design the hockey goalies’ helmets to design mine.

Hope to hear from everybody this season. I wish you all the merriest of Christmases and the happiest of New Years.

Peace,
EP

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Eric & Rina
As yogis who have studied collectively for over thirty-seven years, we are filled with information, from ancient to present teachings, about the art of conducting relationships. Yet as we sit here thinking about a Valentine’s message on relationships, we both choose the importance of being playful together!

The simplicity of having fun carries a lot of value in a relationship. When we are playful, we laugh. When we laugh, we are experiencing a moment of freedom. We are present. Laughter lowers levels of stress by altering cortisol levels, creating happiness and a special connection with your partner. Conversely, stress is kryptonite for any relationship. It makes us uninspired to be romantic and keeps us alienated from one another, leading to a disinterest in sex, which then causes all sorts of other problems. But let’s keep this article playful ?

Children tend to laugh three times more than adults. Being playful brings out that wonderful child-like quality within us which makes us feel light-hearted. Laughing with someone creates a bond, and bonding is continually needed in order for a relationship to flourish and to feel trust with your partner.

Since many people complain about their partner not being present or engaged in the relationship, playfulness can reinforce that your partner is with you and you are with him/her. Take a moment to reflect if you are the one who might need to add some playfulness to your relationship. If so, here are some fun suggestions we do together to ensure our relationship stays alive, healthy and present.

1. Give each other silly, sweet nicknames so that when you say their name or hear your name, it automatically makes you softer and sillier.

2. Watch a movie or TV show that makes you both laugh hysterically. Rewind a funny moment and watch it again. Crack up at each other cracking up!

3. Do things together that you would do as kids … bike ride, skateboard, kick a ball around in the park, go to Disney World, play dress up (in whatever way you want to interpret that.)

4. Play games when you’re doing mundane, routine things, like driving, or eating dinner at home. For example, play eye spy, license plate games, or sing songs together.

5. Remember your teenage years, when you might have been a bit more adventurous and willing to do rebellious things that now as an adult you might never do? DO THEM ANYWAY!!! Pinch your partner’s butt cheek in public, dance, or step away from a party to go make out!

6. When you see your partner stressed out, make them laugh in any way you can. Make silly faces, speak in an accent, tickle them and talk gibberish. Lighten the mood with your presence.

These are just a few ways that help us stay young and exciting during the ups and downs of a relationship. Be the couple that plays, stays engaged, interactive, in the moment and creative.

Every day will be your recess and the world will be your playground—all while hanging out with your BFF!

Written by Rina Jakubowicz and Eric Paskel
Today’s Yoga

Rina Jakubowicz and Eric Paskel are both students of the foremost Vedanta teacher in the world, Swami Parthasarathy. Rina and Eric are published writers and international touring teachers. They have owned and operated multiple studios and have led retreats and trainings worlwide. Rina and Eric are currently based out of Los Angeles where they somehow find sanity amongst the “cray”. For more information, check out rinayoga.com and ericpaskel.com or electricsoul.yoga.

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What should I get my parents for their 50th wedding anniversary, I asked my lady? “Duh, Goobi (term of endearment), get your ass there and spend some time with them”, she answered. Rina was right. The best gift a child can give their parents is spending time with them.

My trip is a surprise. On the plane ride to Florida my excitement builds, as I write down some thoughts that are running through my mind on what it takes to stay with someone 50 years.

I have spent the better part of 30 years studying relationships, and of course, have had a variety of them myself. I would love to tell you that my marriage is together, but it’s not.  What has come together is the understanding of what we all need to know about holding a “until death do us part” vow.

The list I have compiled was forged from the space of upholding the pledge of “until death do us part”. Everything else in the marital contract, in some form, and at sometime, will most likely not only be broken, but shattered. Are you ready? If so, check out some of the reasons these incredible marriages have lasted!

1. Forgiveness is the only action a couple needs to perfect. Since neither person in the relationship is perfect, imperfections will show up in many forms. None of which will be fun, necessarily, for either person, and for some, those imperfections may seemly be intolerable. Forgiveness is the cornerstone to any successful relationship, especially a marriage, in making it last a lifetime. Everything has to be forgivable to make things liveable!  Mark Twain says “Forgiveness is the fragrance a violet sheds on the heel that crushes it”. Think about that! Live it! Then you will find it easy and freeing to forgive.

2. Two Lanes: There are only two lanes on the marital highway. One is staying married.  The other one is leaving! You have to choose the staying married lane over and over again. That has to be more important than anything else that happens in the marriage. There is a glory and a story that one can only have by staying in it. There are so many chapters to the story and you have to be steadfast on finishing your book. There will be many tragedies and triumphs throughout your story. There will be times of despondency, as well as, emotional, physical and financial bankruptcy. There will be births, deaths, laughs, and celebrations. All the while, you need to keep choosing to stay in that lane. Those that leave may find incredible loves, but they will never know if their choice was a good one, because they left before the story was over. No one who leaves will ever find out what it would have been like to stay. It’s a huge commitment! Staying is huge! It may end with one or both parties not being entirely happy. However, if either one truly understands the value of holding that space for decades, then, that in itself is an experience that cannot be matched by any other in this world.

3. Courage is the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear! Need I say more? Of course there may be fear, but fear never overtakes either one of you. Fear never dictates decisions. In short, it never wins the war.  Some battles yes, but not the war.

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4. Loyalty and Stubbornness: These qualities came straight from the horse’s mouth. When I  asked my father how did you two manage to stay together for 50 years? My father responded, “I am too loyal to leave and Marlene is too stubborn”. After reflecting on that statement and what my father truly meant, it made perfect sense. I call it L.A.F., which stands for loyalty, allegiance, faithfulness. All of these words can be found in the other words’ definitions. They are one in same. One could substitute them for leniency, affection and friendship. Point being is that you have to have many laughs and hold the principles of L.A.F.

5. Never say Never: I have seen marriages explode because one or both parties unintelligently have created a deep seeded belief of what should never be acceptable. I am not suggesting I know your moral compass. I am stating that “I would never stay with someone who cheated on me” along with other such statements, are guarantees that a marriage will not last. In a long term relationship, you have to take things as they come. You have to be willing to see through many different lenses, and have an in depth understanding of the human condition. By saying, “I do” forever, you cannot say “but I won’t put up with this shit…”

I tip my hat to all who have somehow, someway, held their marriages together. Few realize that the relationship they dream of, is just that; a dream. Reality is a long lasting marriage with many nightmares. There is no fantasy. The fantasy is thinking it will be anything less than the most difficult thing you will do in life. However, the more difficult it is, the more gratifying the work will be. The reward from staying in a marriage is not just what the couple feels, but the gift of wholeness that they give to their families, their friends and their community. In a fragmented world with so much divisiveness, married couples give us unity. The more unions that stay intact, the more unions that will be created.

Thanks to all who make it their life’s commitment to grow a successful marriage.

Peace,

EP