There are a shit ton of fears known to man. None of which we are here to support, deny, or tell you if they are right or wrong. We are here to share our experience with our own fears and those that are projected onto us. In order to do so, we must first define fear. Unfortunately, you have to be willing to work with your own fears to get this. Hold on tight! Here we go.

Fear is an effect. Yep. That’s it. You have heard enough psycho babble definitions. This is philosophy. Therefore, in order to have fear, there must be a cause. Boy, oh boy, are we good at assigning the wrong cause to our fear. According to Vedanta teachings, or any yoga scripture worth its weight, your fear does not come from the boogeyman, death, money loss, distrust, heights, spiders, snakes, tight spaces and the like. The cause of your fear comes from four distinct places.

Here are the four causes with antidotes (for no extra charge).

Ignorance: as long as a person is ignorant in a certain area of life, there is fear. If you are afraid of the dark, it is because of the ignorance of your surroundings. Knowledge takes away all fear. Here’s a real life example. I was terrified of computers, iPads, hell, any tablet. I believed that with one touch of a button my fat thumbs could destroy my life or someone else’s. For years I avoided using any form of computer. Avoidance is a strategy that anyone with fear uses. Then my wife came onto the scene; a techie, cool person. She taught me just enough to make the fear disappear. The light of wisdom always dispels the darkness of ignorance; that’s the law.

Sense of otherness: This is seeing ourselves as separate from others, or just different. To be honest, I see everyone as separate from me. If you are being honest, so do you. The moment there is a “me”, “you”, “us” or “them”; fear is born. History has shown us that all too many times. Yet, our daily lives reflect it even more as we repeat history. Connection, unity, or oneness breeds peace, happiness and trust. The moment there is oneness fear evaporates.

Selfishness: Selfish people are destructive. They help themselves at the cost of others; consciously or unconsciously. Carnivores are afraid. Yet, they do the destroying. Herbivores are at peace. They do no harm. Try to take the words “I”, “me” or “my” out of your vocabulary. It’s almost impossible. There isn’t a person who is not selfish. The idea is to become less selfish and, thus, become less fearful. A student asked the great Swami Tirtha when his fear would be no more? Swami Tirtha replied to the question, “When shall I be free? When the “I” ceases to be.”

Attachment: Friends, attachment alone may encompass all the others. For attachment creates not only fear, but the other causes of it! It is a selfish, preferential, unilateral, binding and consuming love. Thus, it’s not love at all. Attachment to wealth leads to the fear of being impoverished. Attachment to social privilege leads to infamy. Attachment to the body leads to fear of discomfort, aging, viruses and disease.

Fun, right! All of these fears are due to our own attachments. Love is the answer. Love is identification, freeing, oneness and universal. Love and fear never exist together. But attachment and fear only exist together. Therefore, anytime there is fear in relationships, it is due to attachment.

Rina and I have a marriage that is full of fear, which makes it often full of shit. However, we maintain harmony, in spite of the fear, because we have identified the cause (hint it’s not the other person in any way, shape or form) thus, the proper solution can be implemented.

In families and marriages all four of the aforementioned character defects can be found. Add a pandemic and you have a shit show of epic proportions.

We aren’t afraid of COVID 19. The fear stems from our ignorance of it. We are not concerned if someone is vaccinated or not. We are selfish and want others to behave according to our beliefs. Our fear of dying from a virus isn’t about a virus. It’s about the attachment to our body. The fear of making our own decisions comes from the fear that is caused by otherness.

The next time fear begins to creep into your family or marriage, look at yourself and make sure your side of the street is clean. Once you have done the work; your work is done.

Hungry For More?

From my Facebook Live video, December 18, 2018 – Park City, Utah

Some call it a comeback. I’m suited up and booted up to tell you that on March 29th, 2018, I busted ten ribs on my right side, tore my right rotator cuff, broke my left hand, my left wrist and had some other bumps and bruises.

Here, I am headed right back up the fucking mountain to end 2018 on my skis. There’s a beautiful view, plenty of snow and I’m ready to roll.

I arrived at the Salt Lake City airport this morning and I have to tell you that I felt a little PTSD. I felt a little nauseous. I had a few flashbacks remembering how I was feeling the last time. I’m just utterly grateful that:

1. my body has been able to heal.
2. I’ve trained myself to not be the kind of person to give up; to quit; to allow fear to get in my way.

I truly and utterly believe in continuing to stand up as long as you can. For instance this last weekend, some of you, who have been listening to me for awhile, know how much I love my dad. How much I care for him. How close we are and how much work I had to do to figure out how to get along with him, to not “throw him under the bus”. But, how do I figure that out?

We’ve been getting along marvelously for about 30 years or so. But a few months back he came out and I just “shit the bed”. I had some real hard time with some stuff. He didn’t know it. But my wife surely did and I was agitated like a mother-fucker. So when he asked to come out again, I jumped at the chance. Some of my friends and family members said, “what? I thought it was so horrible. It was. But I’m going to make it right this time.” I figured out what I had to do to adjust myself; my own expectations, etc., etc., etc. I had an incredible weekend!

It’s like returning here, where I fell down and broke everything. Now I’m returning to that exact spot to ski through it and have a better run. I did the same thing with my family. I’ve done the same thing with my children. I’ve done the same thing with my wife. I’ve done the same thing with my ex-wife. You name it and EP keeps coming back. I don’t come back without having made adjustments; without having learned; without having some minor tests and understanding that I’m up for the task.

I don’t want you to get me wrong. I don’t want you to go back where you got your ass kicked without being a different person. Hell no, you don’t do that because you’ll just get your ass kicked again. That’s where I think some of you strange mother-fuckers keep doing this to yourself.

You have the courage and the willingness. But you lack the intellect and the common awareness and understanding. Hey, just because I want to do it and because I like to do this, does not mean I’m capable of doing it. As Clint Eastwood said in Sudden Impact, “Man’s got to know his limitations.” I recognize that I am limited in many ways and I work with it, around it, and through it.

One of the ways that I am not limited today is that I’m putting these two skis on my feet, strapping the boots in and getting down this mountain. I can’t wait! I’m excited! I don’t like getting my ass whupped. I certainly don’t like making a fool of myself or others. I don’t like behaving in ways that go against my moral and ethical value system. But I do love that, when I do those things, I’m not afraid to get back up, show face, do what I need to do to stand in that place again, and do it with dignity and grace. That’s what The Unfucked Code is all about.

You are going to hear me talk about it left and right pretty soon, probably ad
nauseam, what the “unfucked code” is. What this tribe is. What this book is. If I could sum it up, in terms of our personal growth, it’s about being courageous enough to stand back up right where you fell down and give it another try in a safe, smart, dignified way.

So, dad, thanks for coming back out and giving your son another chance again. Wifey, thanks so much for having the courage to do a redo because you got the brunt end of all of this and saw how pissed off I was. Thank you, mountain range for being here for another year. Thank you, Rick Kaufman, for inviting me, so I could strap these suckers on and do what I love doing since I was three years old.

Everybody’s asked me, “are you going skiing again? It’s dangerous. What’s going to happen…?” If something happens, something happens. I’m going to do the best I can to be safe. But if I ever go out, it ain’t going to be going out with some crazy shit going on. I am going to go out on my own terms. That’s for sure. And if I can’t do that, I’ll do second best. I’ll take a chair-lift up this mountain and walk down it.

The thought for all of us for these holidays. If you want to have a hell of a holiday, you need to unfuck yourself. Don’t be afraid to show back up, whether it’s to a friend’s house, or a family’s house. Whatever you have to do during these holidays where you have had your buttons pushed, where you haven’t been your best self; just do it.

Show up as long as you’ve grown up. As long as you’ve grown up, show up. That’s what it is. Grow up, show up! Again and again, and you’ll get it right.

We ain’t never giving up. We’re always living up. We’re always looking up. It was great to spend some time with you on this chair-lift ride.

By the way, I am wearing a helmet. It’s a new move. I don’t like the look. Got to be honest. I’m going to find one of those dudes who design the hockey goalies’ helmets to design mine.

Hope to hear from everybody this season. I wish you all the merriest of Christmases and the happiest of New Years.