In today’s world there are platforms upon platforms, for talking shit. What is talking shit? It’s talk that is opinion and emotionally based, lacking in any substance that creates authenticity, transparency or truth. I’m not suggesting talking shit is bad, or is without purpose. Hell, I talk shit everyday.
However, our bowel movements aren’t what moves us. Talking about our shit is no more than abandoning pretentiousness and ego driven fear, stemming from society’s social norms and our own insecurities. Let’s be real! Let’s be honest! Let folks see the real you!
We shout out our political views. We talk about our achievements. We skirt around a few “issues”. We are great at talking about what we think of others and how they should act. We talk about tv shows, movies, music and business. We complain about everything under the sun. We jump up when we find someone to listen to what we don’t like about the world. Yet, when it comes to speaking the unspeakable; nothing but crickets.
When is the last time you told someone something that you had kept secret? Or something that scared you? Or you felt shamed in revealing? Have you ever shared a lie (everyone lies sometimes and in someway), outed a behavior, addiction, or the like, that you’ve been hiding?
Every person you know does not just have one of the above mentioned thoughts; they have all of them. Yet, the world keeps spinning without saying a word. If we talked about our shit instead of talking shit, the world would transform from being something we know, to something new and full of people we can relate to, even if we have different views.
Look where talking shit gets us; divided so far we can’t even find common ground with friends and family members.
What the fuck are we doing? We are interacting with each other every day, void of any meaning. It’s like eating food without our bodies receiving the nutrients. We could continue to eat, but we would starve. And that’s what’s happening in our homes and relationships. Starvation.
What’s the big fucking deal? The BFDs I have alluded to are alienation and division, but there are more. Not knowing and hearing that others suffer like you, struggle like you, bring about deep feelings of being alone, creating anxiety, depression, leading in some instances to addiction, divorce, disease, suicide, etc.. All that is really needed is a simple honest answer to the question, “How are you?” Instead of saying “fine”, even in public settings with strangers, tell them the truth! “I’m kinda fucked and scared to tell you and I’m ok as well”. You’ll be amazed at the response you receive. I’m not suggesting people won’t think you insane. But sooner, rather than later, you will make a big time connection.
The secret is most folks are just waiting for someone, anyone to get real. Once they see it’s safe, it’s an absolute game changer.
No lie, as I’m writing this piece, I’m in Miami for my mother-in-law’s 70th birthday celebration. I’m typing away, soaking in the sun’s rays, cooling off by jumping into the pool every so often. (This just happened) a lady walks by and we smile at each other. She’s says, “Hi, how are you doing?” And I reply, “I couldn’t be better for someone whose so fucked up!” She says, “That’s the best answer I’ve ever heard.” I deflect and say, “Don’t try to to top it. Answer honestly, how are you?” Now I have to tell you, I’m a pro, so I know how to keep this from becoming a two hour thing and keep it to a few minutes; which is all the time I had. She replies, “I’m lonely. I have family, friends and even a spouse. But I’m lonely”. I say, “I’ll bet you that if you interact with others just like we are doing now, and, we still haven’t really said much, that you won’t be lonely anymore”. She says, “I won’t bet you, because I know you’re right. We still haven’t introduced ourselves and it’s weird, but I feel like we know each other.” I respond quickly with “we do. And when we are truthful and transparent with people, even with strangers like us, it’s impossible to feel alone.” She thanked me and told me she felt like she just received 10 years of therapy in two minutes. I thanked her and told her she did! She laughed and that was that.
Friends, this is how we roll, living the Emotional Empowerment Movement! What better way to execute this teaching of “sharing yourself” than with a connection that literally happened while I was writing this article.
Although we have been conditioned to stay “closed”, the teaching is simple and doable just about anytime or anywhere. The thirst you have for knowing people and being known, for seeing folks and being seen, and for being supportive and supporting all, becomes quenched by talking about your shit, instead of talking shit.
Be the first to burst the bubble of fear, and in doing so, you will open the door to a magical, meaningful world of human connection.