If there is anything I know about myself, it’s that I need help. I don’t have all the answers. Even the answers I do have, I do not necessarily follow through with them.
Thus, the knowing and needing direction comes from a launch into this world that was unnecessarily painful for 18 years and counting. As long as I can remember I felt there was something wrong with me. As soon as I entered elementary school, testing for learning disabilities and psychological issues began. I remember having to go to a “special” room for classes and feeling humiliated. Along with that, once a week I was pulled out of school for the afternoon to go to a psychiatrist. I can vividly see that room as a 5-year-old. Every second there was torture. The worst part was being sent into a “back room” of the office to play, while my parents talked to the psychiatrist. I heard all of their conversation. That wasn’t “play time” for me.
Now as gruesome as that was, everyone was just trying to help me. Yet, I still believed help was for the weak, the broken, and the losers. Nearly 13 years later while addicted to drugs and being homeless, I realized help wasn’t for the weak, broken and losers. It was to prevent someone from becoming those labels.
Needing help is a universal experience. The fact is nothing in this world is done alone.
I could not be writing this article without someone inventing the language. I would be naked if someone did not make my clothes. I would be insane unless I had teachers, teachings and directions to follow.
In case there is any confusion, I’m talking about interpersonal help. Many of us will eventually ask for assistance because we see it as necessary. Isn’t our mental wellbeing the most needful?
So why the fuck is it so hard to ask for help? Moreover, when we finally do the asking, why don’t we take the direction?
Humans have many nasty habits. For our purposes we will look at two. The first being the belief that we “know”. Humans believe they know way more than they do. Josh Billings stated this brilliantly, “The problem with most folks is not that they don’t know but that they know so much that ain’t so”.
The hardest three words for most people to say are, “I don’t know”. Hell, I’ve even asked people for directions or some other kind of help only to hear, “I don’t know, but”; and then give me an answer. At least those folks had the decency to cue the not knowing and then spew out some bullshit. In most cases, it’s just bullshit said with great conviction.The second beauty of a habit is trying to do things “on our own”. We believe that when we achieve whatever it is we are insanely trying to accomplish with the least amount of help, we get some secret societal badge of honor. Not so, we are more apt to have heart attacks, high blood pressure, strokes, insomnia, as well as other medical maladies.
Both of these habits come from one place within us. The ego. The ego is the self-identifying factor in you that says, “I can do this myself”; “I don’t need help”; “I know”.
Furthermore, the ego creates two complexes: inferiority and superiority.
When we are suffering from the inferiority complex, we are more likely not to ask for help. The reason being that the ego has us believing we aren’t worthy, or others will think even less of us. When we are suffering from the superiority complex, we “know”. We take credit where credit isn’t due. The last thing we think we need is help. Yet, it is impossible to see the help we are getting. Moreover, and this is not “public knowledge”, it’s the ego that is the virus keeping us from learning, growing, and changing.
As with any inner personal work, it takes more than a blog, a book or even a program to truly transform one’s thinking, feelings, and behaviors. The intention here is to help you start to begin to understand that help creates lives we want to live. It saves life from becoming insufferable. It uplifts the person(s) helping and those receiving. It’s not just a party of life. It’s a way of life.
Michael Jordan, an elite basketball player, made the baskets. But his teammates, coaches, friends and family helped him get to the point of being “in the air “right up to the ball leaving his fingertips. We celebrate individuals and teams without seeing all the support, direction, and hand holding they receive. If that assistance had not been there, their accomplishments would never have happened.
You must be willing to fight, to ask for the help you need. Then receive it, and most importantly live it. Asking for help is not coming from a position of weakness, but from one of strength. There is a world full of people that are now living a perversion of their lives because they couldn’t or wouldn’t ask for assistance.
This article alone can be the difference between you being one of those people or living the life you’ve always wanted to live.
I’ll leave you with one of the most powerful sayings, which changed my life,
“Only you can do it, but you can’t do it alone.”