I was listening intently to Swamiji lecturing during a small gathering at a man’s home in New York.  The setting was intimate; an informal lecture, where he spoke a few words and answered some questions before sitting down to a big feast in his honor.  He started to speak about “the” road map for happiness.  He spoke briefly about the three Yogas: Karma, Bhakti and Gnana.  As always, his words were powerful.  But if one did not listen closely, they were easy to lose because of their simplicity.  I took notes feverishly.

Swamiji spoke about dropping our selfishness.  He mentioned that what the world needs is not more social work, we are good at that, especially in America.  What we really need is more social consciousness. Then there will be no need for social work.

Somewhere in all of this, he casually threw out these words: “Everyone is grateful; gratitude is selfish; drop your gratitude and just be in Awe.”

I nearly threw up when I heard those words! I lifted my head to see the reactions of more than 50 people gathered around him. Nobody seemed to hear what I heard.

I looked to Swamiji’s students who had traveled with him from India. They, too, looked unaffected (and they had heard this before).  In my whole “spiritual” life, I have been taught to be grateful.  In one casual sentence, that was shut right down!

The lecture ended. I waited for the line of people thanking Swamiji to thin out before I approached him, desperate for answers.  Swamiji looked at me and said, “My beloved, sit, let’s talk, I know you have questions.” I told him I heard something in his words that I had never heard anyone say before – even him! – and it flipped me out.

I asked him what he meant by his gratitude statement. Like a proud parent, he immediately called over some of his students and announced, “Eric is brilliant. I travel the world speaking and nobody listens but him.”

I am never sure if Swamiji means what he says about me. But I know that even if he doesn’t, the fact that he goes out of his way to compliment me, tells me he cares. He knows that I need that from him. That is the mark of a truly great teacher: understanding his students’ needs and giving them what they need, when appropriate.

Swamiji said that gratitude is selfish. It is being thankful for what you have. I am grateful for my health, my family, my job, my students, my teachers, even grateful for others’ well-being – but really, it’s just saying YOU are thankful!

Swamiji went on to say that I/we must drop the “me, mine and I.” All gratitude does is bring everything back to “you,” even if you are thanking someone else.

I sat completely hunched over as if I had been diagnosed with cancer. This was some monumental shit that was going down.  He was dead-on! Even my attempts to count “my” blessings were selfish!

I then asked My Beloved (this is what we call each other): Where do I go from here?

With a big smile, he answered, “Awe. You need to simply be in Awe, my boy.”

He said Awe is the recognition of the Supreme, a feeling of reverence produced by something grand. It is admiration for the great mystery of Life.

He said, we don’t know where we came from. Don’t know where we’ll go. Don’t know when. We may know how our body functions but in many cases, we are not in control of it. Beyond the science, nobody can explain how an ear hears or how the eyes see.

He asked, “Who woke me up this morning? Some people never wake up. Why me? Some won’t make it through the day. Why me?”

For these reasons, and many more, he said, “Just have Awe. Just walk around and be in Awe of this great mystery called Life. Forget about gratitude; be in Awe.”

I have not told many about this conversation because he directed me not to. We agreed that it would only irritate most people because this kind of teaching is for people who already have a fairly alert intellect and understanding of the Vedanta philosophy. Well, as you can see, sometimes I am not a good student.

In order to stimulate some deep thinking, I must push some buttons. I understand that expressing gratitude is part of our culture. It is a way to convey that we care, to shift our minds from what we don’t have to what we do have.

However, shifting the mind is not getting beyond the mind.

To live where the mind is in control (emotions, likes, dislikes, worries over the past, anxiety over the future) is a dangerous neighborhood to inhabit. Focusing on possessions and relationships is just plain selfish.

Remember, the focus is not on you.  It is on how we can serve, and act without our “self” in mind.

Our freedom lies in service. We need to drop the little self and find the bigger one.

We must act without attachment, simply doing what we should, and be in Awe!

Wow, wow, wow!! This is one of my mantras.  Try it on.  It might spark that internal flame and take you beyond yourself!

Hari Om,

EP